Things Kids Say

Kids Say The Darnedest Things

"Scientists are hypothetical people," wrote a student in chemistry. The following student comments were gleaned from essays, examinations and classroom discussions. These beguiling theories are in no way hypothetical. They are all real and attest to the high level of scientific literacy in our nation:

	In some rocks we find the fossil footprints of fishes.
	Many dead animals of the past changed to fossils while others preferred to be oil.
	All animals were here before mankind. The animals lived peacefully until mankind came along and made roads, houses, hotels and condoms.
	Sir Isaac Newton invented gravity.
	The law of gravity says no fair jumping up without coming back down.
	Galileo showed that the earth was round and not vice versa. He dropped his balls to prove gravity.
	Mare Curie did her research at the Sore Buns Institute in France.
	Men are mammals and women are femammals.
	Proteins are composed of a mean old acid.
	The largest mammals are to be found in the sea because there is nowhere else to put them.
	Involuntary muscles are not as willing as voluntary ones.
	Methane, a greenhouse gas, comes from the burning of trees and cows.
	Water is melted steam.
	Mushrooms always grow in damp places and so they look like umbrellas.
	A monkey has a reprehensible tail.
	Some people say we condescended from the apes.
	The leopard has black spots which look like round soars on its body.
	Those who catch soars get leprosy.
	A cuckoo does not lay its own eggs.
	To remove air from a flask, fill the flask with water, tip the water out and put the cork in, quick.
	The three cavities of the body are the head cavity, tback into the sun in the daytime.
	Cadavers are dead bodies that have donated themselves to science. This procedure is called gross anatomy.
	The cause of dew is through the earth revolving on its own axis and perspiring freely.
	Hot lather comes from volcanoes, when it cools it turns into rocks.
	A liter is a nest of young baby animals.
	The earth makes a resolution every 24 hours.
	Parallel lines never meet unless you bend one or both of them.
	Algebra was the wife of Euclid.
	A circle is a figure with no corners and only one side.
	A right angle is 90 degrees Farenhight.
	Genetics explains why you look like your father and if you don't, why you should.
	A supersaturated solution is one that holds more than it can hold.
	The pistol of a flower is its only protection against insects.
	Respiration is composed of two acts, first inspiration, then expectoration.
	An example of animal breeding is the farmer who mated a bull that gave a great deal of milk with a bull with good meat.
	The hydra gets its food by descending upon its prey and pushing it into its mouth with its testicles.
	If conditions are not favorable, bacteria go into a period of adolescence.
	When oxygen is combined with anything, heat is given off. This is known as constipation.
	The hookworm larva enters the body through the soul.
	As the rain forests in the Amazon are shrinking, so are the Indians.
	A major discovery was made by Mary Leaky, who found a circle of rocks that broke wind.
	The skeleton is what is left after the insides have been taken out and the outsides have been taken off. The purpose of the skeleton is something to hitch meat to.
	You can listen to thunder after lightning and tell how close you came to getting hit. If you don't hear it, you got hit so never mind.

Kids say the darnedest things ....Some grade school teachers must agree with that, because they keep journals of amusing things their students have written in papers. Here are a few examples:

The future of "I give" is "I take."

	The parts of speech are lungs and air.
	The inhabitants of Moscow are called Mosquitoes.
	A census taker is man who goes from house to house increasing the population.
	Water is composed of two gins. Oxygin and hydrogin. Oxygin is pure gin. Hydrogin is gin and water.
	(Define H2O and CO2.) H2O is hot water and CO2 is cold water.
	A virgin forest is a forest where the hand of man has never set foot.
	The general direction of the Alps is straight up.
	A city purifies its water supply by filtering the water then forcing it through an aviator.
	Most of the houses in France are made of plaster of Paris.
	The people who followed the Lord were called the 12 opossums.
	The spinal column is a long bunch of bones. The head sits on the top and you sit on the bottom.
	We do not raise silk worms in the United States, because we get our silk from rayon. He is a larger worm and gives more silk.
	One of the main causes of dust is janitors.
	A scout obeys all to whom obedience is due and respects all duly constipated authorities.
	One by-product of raising cattle is calves.
	To prevent head colds, use an agonizer to spray into the nose until it drips into the throat.
	The four seasons are salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar.
	The climate is hottest next to the Creator.
	Oliver Cromwell had a large red nose, but under it were deeply religious feelings.
	The word trousers is an uncommon noun because it is singular at the top and plural at the bottom.
	Syntax is all the money collected at the church from sinners.
	The blood circulates through the body by flowing down one leg and up the other.
	In spring, the salmon swim upstream to spoon.
	Iron was discovered because someone smelt it.
	In the middle of the 18th century, all the morons moved to Utah.
	A person should take a bath once in the summer, not so often in the winter.

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