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Cowboy's Humor

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"The future has been losing the wisdom of the past ever since the freeway bypassed the corral."

"Behind every successful rancher is a wife who works in town."
...........An old Western proverb

"Never approach a bull from the front, a horse from the rear or a fool from any direction."

"A bronc rider should be light in the head and heavy in the seat."

"Broke is what happens when a cowboy lets his yearnin's get ahead of his earnin's."

"Any cowboy can carry a tune. The trouble comes when he tries to unload it."

"When in doubt, let your horse do the thinkin'."

"When a cowboy's too old to set a bad example, he hands out good advice."

"Worry is like a rockin' horse. It's something to do that don't get you nowhere."

"Poor is having to sell the horse to buy the saddle."

"You are welcome here, do as you please. Go to bed when you want to, and get up at your ease. You don't have to thank us or laugh at our jokes. Say what you like, you're one of the folks."
...........A welcome sign at a Wyoming Guest Ranch

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A Cowboy's Guide To Life

From the book "Don't Squat With Yer Spurs On! A Cowboy's Guide to Life"
        by Texas Bix Bender. Salt Lake City: Gibbs Smith, Publisher, 1992.
        Used with permission. 
Visit the Gibbs Smith Publisher on line at www.gibbs-smith.com

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Never kick a fresh cow pile on a hot day.

There's two theories to arguin' with a woman. Neither one works.

Don't worry about bitin' off more than you can chew.  Your mouth is probably a whole lot bigger'n you think.

If you get to thinkin' you're a person of some influence, try orderin' somebody else's dog around.

Never ask a man the size of his spread.

After eating an entire bull, a mountain lion felt so good he started roaring. He kept it up until a hunter came along and shot him. The moral: when you're full of bull, keep your mouth shut.

If you find yourself in a hole the first thing to do is stop diggin'.

Never smack a man who's chewin' tobacco.

It don't take a genius to spot a goat in a flock of sheep.

Never ask a barber if he thinks you need a haircut.

Never follow good whiskey with water, unless you're out of good whiskey.

Good judgement comes from experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.

Always drink upstream from the herd.

Never drop your gun to hug a grizzly.

If you're ridin' ahead of the herd, take a look back every now and then to make sure it's still there.

When you give a lesson in meanness to a critter or a person, don't be suprised if they learn their lesson.

When you're throwin' your weight around, be ready to have it thrown around by somebody else.

Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier 'n puttin' it back.

Always take a good look at what you're about to eat. It's not so important to know what it is, but it's critical to know what it was.

The quickest way to double your money is to fold it over and put it back in your pocket.

A smart aleck just don't fit in a saddle.

Never miss a good chance to shut up. 

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